cilestv

i. i know i've told you this once before but i'm in danger of falling and i'm not sure the blown up mattress you've laid out 24 stories below will hold. ii. my fingers are gripping on the railing and they're becoming numb because i'm using every bit of strength left in my slowly decaying muscle. my eyes are sewn shut with the same needle and thread you bought me the night you laughed for 4 minutes and 30 seconds straight when you found out all i ever wanted was to knit my own damn scarf. [stores in the winter were never fulfilling enough] now i can't see a thing and i'm liking it this way because the blue of your eyes can't pull me in anym

To be lonely is painful, To be alone is liberating.

You murdered two children with your bare hands and thanked God that He saved you from getting the death penalty, bloody hands and all I saved two children from a burning fire and hate the God I no longer believe in for burning my skin, and with it my faith It seems God works in mysterious ways, or maybe, he doesn't work at all.

Boys aren't very good that I must say though I don't mean mischievous or they love to play I mean that the fall they neglect to learn too even crawl and yet wholeheartedly believe they can walk, for they are brave but that does not mean they are good or any less naive. For the very fact a boy is so brave just means they aren't very good at being afraid. As child this doesn't matter the word brave is meant to flatter, but as man on day they must learn that is fear something that is earned it can't be avoided with platitudes and flattery it builds in every moment that you recognize to be happy that you recognize that for someone you've begun

I want to mutter a million things, but they’re catching in my throat And my heart is heavy in my chest, with a weight that holds a heavy load This weight is not a pound of gold, but rather a pound of worthless rocks And now I’m spitting bits of gravel as I try to talk

I know I am not the daughter you wanted But at least you got it right the second time My little sister found her place in your hearts But I feel I have never really found mine Why would you care to listen to your first born? When you have a fresh blank canvas to create All of those things that you wish I could have been Had I not developed such negative traits But those negative traits make me who I am And shouldn't you love me without condition? See my stubbornness as being strong minded And when I talk, don’t interrupt just listen I know I am not the daughter you wanted I scowl but I still need your loving embrace Though you barely

Bullets that are too far away to hear back home But words that will forever ring just as loud in my ears Delivered from the lips of a uniformed man The sympathetic sentence any mother fears to hear I turn away as if ignoring his presence Will make this unwanted reality go away But he repeats that he is sorry for my loss Those words are the last thing I remember of that day I find myself looking out of the back yard window On the swings in the garden I still see my boy play I am bringing drinks out to him and his brothers Under the sun, on the grass, on endless summer days Those memories like photographs in frames on the wall Now show my so

Children are swinging, screaming; Spinning on dead-eyed china horses. Beating the daylights out of stuffed animals and attacking coconuts for a prize. They're running around, stuck in the mirrors, searching for sweets and food to stuff their growing bodies with. The balloon slips from my hand and drifts away above the bustling crowd. I push through the mass of people as it rises, getting farther away... {Ce sera peut-être pris dans les arbres} The crowd thins, but my balloon is forgotten as I rest my eyes upon a tattered, grimy old tent. The patterns have long since faded from mauve, threadbare fabric. I walk over and a man staggers